The question of work-life balance has been receiving its fair share of debate recently. The past 2 weeks has seen Anne Marie Slaughter’s article “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” published, provoking worldwide controversy as she concludes women cannot enjoy both motherhood and an A-grade career; and Marissa Mayer elected CEO of Yahoo!, provoking yet more controversy as she announces on Twitter she is expecting her first child in October. Both women - one with words, one deeds - compelling our collective consciousness to put a mirror to itself and reflect on our social norms and values, and the gaping chasm between what as women we desire and what we are realistically able to achieve.
Recently at a wisewomen talk we met a - what’s the collective term for a group of female lawyers? - let’s say an “Ambition” of post grad female lawyers embarking on their career paths, which for the minority will culminate in the much coveted, indeed idolized position of senior partner. Most will fail in this endeavour, their dreams stifled and for many ultimately snuffed out as the reality of their sacrifices are brought into focus.
My heart went out to them as I looked over their youthful and enthusiastic faces, as I could foresee the agonizing dilemmas that will be theirs as they face their inevitable choice. Which will it be? Career, (translate to: enduring long lonely nights slogging away in the office while someone else is reading their toddlers bedtime stories, and their teenagers are letting themselves in after school)? Or Motherhood, (translate to: wrestling with their depleted self worth and thwarted ambition, doing the endless rounds of parks and mothers groups)? Or maybe they try for both - as they suffer the humiliation of their (mostly male) peers leapfrogging them up the corporate ladder, while they are eternally relegated to the lower rungs as a result of their request for “family friendly” hours. “Not Having It All” is an understatement here. These women start out aiming for the stars, and are left with the booby prize.
We can’t trivialize what this means to society and to the affected individuals. What are the statistics of educated women entering the workforce and the professions, medical, legal, accounting, teaching, nursing? And those that remain after the parenting shake out? It doesn’t add up – by way of example: over 50% female postgrad lawyers in at the bottom tier, less than 20% emerging at the top of the pyramid. I look around the schoolyard at the full time mums – a lawyer here, a dentist there, an advertising executive waiting at the gate. How can we justify the wasted talent, the sunk investment, the unfulfilled potential? It doesn’t make economic sense.
Again, we realize there has to be a structural change before there can be a shift. Things won’t progress until women feel comfortable to take on both roles and feel sufficiently rewarded for both. Realistically, both parents need to take equal responsibility for caregiving, translating into real workplace flexibility for men and women, with no financial or career advancement penalties for this so-called luxury. The starting point is men wanting it too. Somehow, methinks we’ll still be having this discussion when my 10 year old daughter is making her own career versus motherhood choice. And that’s a tragedy.
