One of my all time favourite movies is “Walk The Line” based on the
life of Johnny Cash with Joaquin Phoenix as Cash and Reese Witherspoon taking
the role of his second wife and great love and supporter, June Carter. One of
many great scenes is June (Witherspoon), coming upon Johnny (Phoenix) and his
mates in a drinking session just before they are about to perform, yelling (in
her best southern drawl) “Y’all can’t walk the line”.
There’s so many “lines” we have to walk in
this life but the one I’ve been thinking about lately is money and children.
Mainly, how can I pass on just the right lessons around money that has my
children develop a healthy sense of appreciation for the effort involved in
earning money and looking after it (good money habits) but not overdo it so
that they either become joyless penny pinchers or reject the whole thing and
turn out to be flagrant spendthrifts? Where is the instruction manual for
parenting when you need it?
This has come upon me more so now that my
eldest son is seventeen and in his last year of school. Don’t get me wrong I’ve
been on the case for a while with allowances (Issue Number 1 – do you make them
do chores for their allowance or keep chores as part of general contribution to
family life) but recently my ex and I bought him a car when he passed his
driving test.
He is an exceptionally lucky young man to
have had a car provided for him from day one of his driving career but I am not
sure if endlessly repeating this to your child is that effective or fair either
as we are the ones that made the decision to buy the car. Issue Number 2 –
should you do this (if you are able to afford it) or is it better to make them
wait until they have saved for at least some of it on their own?
I have lingering unease that this may not
be the best way to convey lessons on purchasing significant assets but the
convenience factor was hard to ignore. His independence means my freedom in a
way. I suspect I would be carless a fair bit if he didn’t have his own, with
constant requests to borrow my car on his agenda.
Then there are the running costs to
consider. I have bumped up his allowance a little to cover petrol and
maintenance but when you take into account insurance, registration and CTP plus
tolls you start to realise that bankrolling cars for your child on top of
yourself is tres expensive.
Issue Number 3 – should you make your children
get a job in their last year of school when the finishing line of the HSC is in
sight? At the moment I am shrilly telling him that as soon as exams and “schoolies”
are out of the way that is the end of the penny section (my Dad’s favourite
saying to indicate good things were coming to an end) and he will be on his own
as far as running his car is concerned.
Again I carry a sense of unease about a
missed opportunity for life lessons here that might explain why I keep
reminding (nagging) him that the current situation won’t be going on for too
much longer. It’s hardly effective parenting – I should either require him to
contribute or keep quiet.
This is the frustrating thing about
“walking the line” on this subject. The push and pull between wanting to give
your children all that you can but also recognising this doesn’t always do them
any favours as far as personal growth and development go.
My children have enjoyed comfortable homes
and wonderful educations plus all the other trappings of modern life – travel
and material possessions - but where and when should it end? How will they
learn the lesson that striving and achieving financial goals through one’s own
efforts is more satisfactory and confidence building than being handed it on a
plate?
Perhaps the proof really is in the eating
of the pudding. One day my seventeen year old will be forty-seven and I will
get to see the outcome of my parenting - good and not so good. A sobering
thought but a good take away for me. Some lines may have to be redrawn but
that’s ok. Parenting is no exact science that’s for sure. Even June Carter
would agree with that!
