You get to the ripe oldish age of 43(like moi!) and by this time you have observed and been a party to a fair few fights, disagreements and battles. In your marriage, family, friendships and work life you are a rare beast (or perhaps a beast without a discernible pulse) if you don’t occasionally end up on differing sides of a point of contention (and oh my, how many points of contention there can be!).
From my viewpoint and experience (a divorce and four siblings has provided me with the prerequisites needed for my commentary) people can be divided into 2 main camps. Ok, there is probably a few more camps but for the sake of this blog (and the point I am trying to make) just run with me on this.
There is the group of people who love a good barney, discharging every emotion and thought as they pass through their brains clear in their conviction of what (or who!) is right and wrong. Seemingly, conflicts barely raise their heart rates or ruffle their feathers. The fear of permanently damaging a relationship with the true weapons of mass destruction (our words) does not seem to enter their head as they keep at you and at you, driving home their perspective on the situation with a lack of empathy and ability to see others viewpoints.
Those residing in the other camp will run a mile from any prospect of speaking their mind and resolving an issue. They often seethe with resentment over their issues and have a memory like the proverbial elephant, storing grudges to be brought up later at the most inopportune moments.
As I said I am using extremes here. However, having recently witnessed an uncomfortable conflict in a work environment, it made me ponder the different styles that we all bring to the table and what to do when we feel there is an issue to raise. Keep the peace as much as possible or speak your mind as the dispute arises.
What I do know is that becoming a wise counsel to yourself is vital. Learning if, when and how to raise an issue is a life skill that unfortunately, for most of us takes a lifetime to cultivate. With some people you wonder if it is cultivated at all!
Whenever I used to tell my mother I wanted to give someone a good spray over something I perceived was unjust or unfair to me, she would often advocate the “people in glass houses” theory. This ran along the lines of – go ahead and spray if you must but bear in mind that when you do so you open yourself up to the person on the other end of your tirade equally expressing their views on your behaviour and position. Realising that perspective is just that – YOUR take on a situation and not necessarily the “truth” can teach you to take a cautious approach with your words or perhaps remaining silent.
That is not to say that walking away or turning the other cheek is always the way to go. Resolving conflict can be a pathway to a better relationship (be it a personal or business one) if there is not too much argy bargy or descent into mudslinging along the way.
As in all things, a measured and balanced approach is best. What exactly that approach looks like…sorry, I end this blog as a fence-sitter, only you can answer that for yourself!
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