How important is earning capacity to a woman? Is it safe to depend on a husband? These were questions posed to Jill and I in a recent radio interview. Wow, very loaded. Of course it isn’t safe to depend on your husband, when you look at the divorce statistics. It’s decidedly unsafe and rather foolish when you observe the aftermath of the divorced women who have not maintained their earning capacity. Confidence destroyed, life shattered, lifestyle severely curtailed, it’s easy to draw conclusions. Or is it?
What are we asking for? That women remain ever vigilant, rejecting the traditional roles in their marriages, living out every day the caution of their pre-nup caveat: Cater for the Worst? Ok then, ditch the delegation of duties, the teamwork - both partners need to be ready and expectant in case of marriage break-up. But, realistically, do men have to step up? Let’s face it, the cost of the breadwinner being out of touch with his home environment is not that high. It’s relatively easy to learn the ropes when it comes to the home routine. Don’t know the nuances of your children’s likes and dislikes? Just ask them. The homework schedule? Maybe take a couple of weeks. The social ins and outs of your local school? Work it out. What about the homemaker…can’t earn your keep? Yikes.
Working mums know the drill - each day attempting to fulfill expectations at work, as well as meeting the various and numerous needs of their families, and experiencing the frustration and disappointment of the inevitable shortfall in one, or both, roles. Many women tread this daily tightrope and subject themselves to continual exhaustion for a monetary reward sufficient only to meet exorbitant childcare fees. And of course as priorities go it’s us who fall to the bottom of the list. No exercise or time out for working mums.
Gone too the idyllic scenes of motherhood – being there when the children get home from school, dispensing words of comfort and home cooking, lazy days and holidays. Replaced with the whirlwind of after school care and holiday camps, snippets of mum. Repeating to ourselves the mantra of “Quality not Quantity”, when in reality, both suffer.
This is the price we have to pay to nurture our earning capacity. We have to grin and bear it, the risk is just too great, the fall out too severe being left in the cold. We need to take ownership of our keep.
It’s one thing society condoning escape from an unhappy marriage. But I really think we’ve thrown the baby out with the bathwater on this one. And, once more, it’s women and children who pay the highest price.
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