Closure

So, as Nicky said last week we did a radio show with Deb Cameron on 702 a few weeks ago. What she neglected to mention was that we made what we termed a "strategic blunder". We decided that no matter what Nicky would answer the first question, which we duly prepared for. All good so far. When Deb said, "So Jill, how do the financial lives of women differ from men and when is this likely to become apparent" my heart sank. Strategic blunder or no, I went blank and muffed it. It wasn’t a disaster but nor was it my finest moment.

Aside from the effect on my ego, after a few short weeks I have decided the experience is perfect fodder to foster the lost art of laughing at oneself. Still, I am really annoyed that I didn't just answer the bloody question. I keep running through the ideal response in my head. Nicky and I have had discussions on these issues for the last 2 years so I know my opinions on the subject!

Anyhow, I realised I have the ideal outlet for closure for this. What better way to send my answer out to the universe and move on, than my own personal soapbox - our blog?

So grant me my indulgence on this one! Here is what I should have said that morning and it really goes to the heart of wisewomen’s philosophy…

Women, I feel, have inherently different driving forces from men, driven partly by genetics and partly by social conditioning of the last few thousand years or so. When we have a child, something shifts inside many of us. Everything seems to fade into the background as we learn the art of nurturing the tiny being we have brought into the world. Add another child or more to the mix and it makes sense and is sometimes a relief to loosen the reins of our involvement in the family’s finances. Subtle power shifts occur when this dynamic comes into play that is difficult to perceive at the time. When everything is peachy, it seems perfectly normal and “right”.

Life has a funny way of throwing us curve balls, however, in the form of death, divorce or disablement that can quickly highlight how vulnerable women can be when they hand over the responsibility for their money. This is not meant at all to be a man bash. Things will never change if we continue to see ourselves as having being dealt the short straw in the gender stakes rather than acknowledging the choices and decisions we make along the way. Men have equal but different pressures on them around the need to provide and be successful in the eyes of the world. Learning to empathise with each other’s point of view is the way towards resolution of conflict and it is no different here.

The message is that nobody, men or women, should outsource their involvement with their finances. You wouldn’t expect someone to hold your hand with your health and nor should you with your money. We need to take ownership of what is happening and the decisions and choices that are made around spending, saving and investing our money. It certainly means less recriminations and remorse later on down the track if things do come unstuck.

I could go on longer but the nature of blogging is to be relatively short and sweet. And yes, I am feeling better and ready to tackle the next radio interview if the opportunity arises.

I am learning more and more as the years slip by that closure, as psychobabbly as it sounds, is a good thing. The quicker the better, too! Wasting time or agonizing on what could or should have happened is a surefire route to unhappiness. If you read this blog and are stuck on something of your own my wish for you today is…closure.